I wondered who the caller was when my phone’s ringtone pierced through the air that sunny morning. After the usual pleasantries, my sister went straight to the point. Part of the reason she called was to tell me about the demise of an old auntie and the funeral arrangements.

As she related the tales that surrounded my aunt’s life and death I couldn’t help myself. I half-listened half-thinking of the last time I saw my aunt.

The aunt in question was a distant cousin to my father. I grew up with dozens of aunts and uncles whole spaces on my family tree were difficult to locate. However, as part of the family rules, everyone was family and deserved equal treatment.

I felt no emotion to the news nor the rambling at the other end of the call. I was indifferent and I couldn’t pretend to care. In my aunt’s case, I felt nothing.

Children Don’t Forget

What came to mind was the angry look my aunt wore when I spent the summer holiday with her three and a half decades ago. I found it difficult to shift the pictures of beating, snarling and name callings off my mind. My aunt seemed to be in a bad mood throughout my stay.

My aunt tormented my every move throughout that year’s summer holiday. I didn’t know what I did wrong. Calls to my parents were strictly monitored.

It was a bit difficult for me to cut a clean picture of this petite lady but the angry look in her eyes pierced my soul. The numerous pinch of the skin at the back of my neck and ears, her silent moves and rain of slaps made me wonder if she was truly a blood relation of my father.

As a grown adult, the child in me held on to the hurt I felt when I couldn’t defend myself. I felt the hunger when she purposely withheld food and the tiredness when she disrupted my sleep for no obvious reason.

Its all In Our Memory.

According to research, formation and retention of memories depend on significant personal events. Long term memories are memories that have emotion infused in them. Memories are formed and held onto tightly due to how it affects each individual.

For me, my aunt’s attitude was a textbook example of a significant personal event. Children have good memory systems but whether or not memories hang around for a long time depends on how a child feels at the time the memory is forming.

I still remember the joy of being part of the bridal party of my mother’s cousin. However, I couldn’t recollect how I lost the shoes that were part of the bridal costume. What I have with me till today was the clear picture of me walking behind the trail of young little girls and boys. The girls were adorned with flower rings around the circumference of our little heads and in our hands we had little handwoven baskets filled with beautiful flowers.

I looked very much like a pretty flower girl in a beautiful dress except for my shoes. I walked the whole length of the aisle in my laced-trimmed white socks.

This memory wouldn’t have registered if I didn’t hear adults around me whispering and looking at my feet. At the reception, I was beside a group of women butchering my mother (behind her back of course) for my lack of shoes. I heard it all and it all registered.

Part Of What I felt

One of the special moments of my childhood was with my father. I felt loved and special when he carried me around his shoulder. Flashes of my 5-year-old legs hanging over kicking his broad chest on our way to the Mosque brighten some dark patches in me. This picture of my dad embedded in my memory was of sweet, joy and happiness.

My maternal grandmother has a permanent space in my heart. My love of storytelling was from this beautiful woman. Sitting around her stretched out legs listening to tales from her younger years completed a larger part of my childhood potentials.

The journey to the local stream, the red earthen path that zig-zag its way down the hill with my grandmother pointing to trees and grasses sharing her love of nature are all part of my memories.

I lost my paternal grandfather early in life but I can still recall his lanky frame slightly bent with age. I remember his cares and tenderness and his frankness. He single-handedly took care of me when I lost the use of my legs at six. He relieved my parents of the burden of caring for a sick child amidst other responsibilities.

The Child In You.

Image by Esi Grünhagen from Pixabay

There is a child in you that sucked in all what you experience as a child. Sometimes, this child resurfaces, bringing back memories long forgotten. In every child, there is someone waiting to be loved and treated with love and much-needed affection.

Believe me, those little gifts, chat, smiles and fondness here and there might find their way to someone’s long term memory, forming a positive impact. Every little act goes a long way.

Leave a trail of goodness behind. Be the adult every child remembers with a smile because children don’t forget.