I was in a training one day. The workshop was about “The effects of positive words”. A young lady in her 30s was the trainer. The trainer had a significant look, a look that was not too appealing and as I looked at her I had many thoughts in my head. She was in total control of the class. She knew her stuff and understood her audience,but, something was not right about her looks.

She started the workshop with these words, “When I was little, my mother always complain about how messy my room was and how scruffy I looked. This continued into my teenage years and I couldn’t be bothered till now “.

Then I knew it, the thought in my head finally focused on how scruffy this lady looked. I remember thinking that she actually let the negativism of her mother’s words shaped how she represented herself, but, I thought again and I wondered why.

I , sometimes, say some words to describe my children. Words that don’t bring out the beauty they encompassed. Words that don’t justify their innocence. Words that I say only when I am angry. Words that I always regret after uttering. Words that I cannot accept from people.

I am learning to stop the use of negative comments or phrases when trying to correct my children’s behaviour.  Negativism destroys. The words we utter to ourselves and our children have effects. Take a minute and ask yourself. How many times have you labelled yourself falsely of being “stupid”,”ugly”, “fat”,” empty-headed”, “dumb” and “fool”?

Now, imagine how many times you call your children names, how many times you utter those words repeatedly without meaning to.

The problem with negative words is REPETITION. When you rely on negative words or criticism, you tend to use it to correct negative attitudes in children and you use it again and again. You might also use comparison where you compare your children with other children or with their siblings. You say words that hurt your child’s feelings without meaning to. In all honesty, you just want that child of yours to see what you are trying to say, to reason and to be a better person. However, you are planting the seed of negativism, depression, self-harm and self-hate in your child’s future without knowing it.

The negativism in your words affects your child in all the areas of his or her life.  Your child grows to feel every pinch of the words you say to him or her be it good or bad. Such words affect your child’s social development, cognitive development, and emotional development. Your child grows to feel “beautiful” if you tell your child how beautiful he or she is and your child grows up to be “useless” at everything if you use such words to describe your child while growing.

If you criticise your child often, he might start to feel inadequate and blame himself for being the cause of your frequent complaints, reprimands, and negative communication. Your child might feel he or she is the cause of your failure in life. Your child might also feel that he is being watched and being judge constantly. This action not only affect your child at home, the words repeats itself everywhere and describe his personality.

The effects of negative words on children is devastating. Such children grow up to be critics of their own self. They place unhealthy expectations on themselves and demand the same from people around them. They have guilt about life in general and can start experimenting with drugs as they grow or might attempt suicide. Low self-esteem starts from the effect of hurtful words, from parents especially. Constant criticism makes your child do things just to please you due to the desire to be understood, seen and heard.

It is never too late to stop the use of negative words either on yourself or your child. Knowing the effects those words can have on your life or your child’s life is very important.

Work on stopping the criticism and make your words work beautifully in your life.  Stop the use of words to blackmail your child emotionally.

Stop any name-calling or self-criticism. See the beauty in your child and embrace it. Be responsive and kind to your child. Try to see the uniqueness in your child and treasure your child’s uniqueness. Show respect in dealing with your child. Remember, respect is reciprocal.

Surround yourself with uplifting words. Exchange bad words for good. Use the words you want your child to use with you. Instead of using negative words, say ‘NO’ and stick to it.

If you have anger issues that trigger bad words, it is advisable to sort yourself out. Seek help.

Praise your child often and learn to practice good words to describe yourself and people around you.

See beautify in people and it will be easy for you to see beauty in yourself and your child.

Don’t place unrealistic expectation on your child. Help your child grow and enjoy childhood with your child.

Seek help if you think you can’t help criticising your child. Express your love in words. Not hatred and negativism.

How do you think negative words or comments affect a growing child?

Please share your experience.

Please share with friends and family.