My parents had many distant relatives most of whom I couldn’t trace their lineage on our family tree. There were quite a large number of aunties, uncles, cousins we couldn’t really fit into the picture. To us they were family and it had to stay that way.

I was around 8 when a distant elderly cousin of my dad visited. She lived with her daughter in a different part of the country. She stayed for a few days, however, she asked my parents if I could come with her to spend the rest of the summer holiday with her grandchildren when she was ready to leave.

I was more than happy to go with her. I was readily looking forward to a summer holiday to remember. Her grandchildren were of the same age as me and it was going to be a great time or so I thought.

My bags were packed and we bid goodbye to my mom ( who promised to get me in a few weeks’ time) and my siblings. I was happy, imaging the play ,the food and the time away from the usual: home.

The Torment

I must have done something wrong during her stay in my house or perhaps my parents must have offended her in a way. We barely left our house when the torment began. My aunt turned to a monster out of the blues. She became really cranky and grumpy.

As we walk along to the bus terminal, she placed her very heavy bag on my head while I dragged mine. Using both of my hands, I struggled under the weight of such loads and stumbled to the ground. I was not far away from home, but, there was no way I could escape. My aunt was towering over me, she had a look that spelt trouble and I knew I was doomed.

With screams of abuses and curses, her hands rained bolt of slaps all over me. I was surprised and could not understand what I did wrong. I continued to drag the bags, but, I was lagging behind. This infuriated her the more and the abuse continued.

We finally arrived at the bus terminal, but, I needed assistance climbing into coach as my legs were not tall enough. I summoned up the courage to climb on to the first step to the coach, I failed repeatedly, my aunt was behind me fuming with rage.

From behind my head, I felt a powerful and violent surge, hitting my head against the metal stair of the coach I cried out in pain. I sustained a nasty bump to my head due to the push from my aunt.

The entire coach trip was a pain, my aunt pinched me for dozing off, for gazing out of the window, for looking at the other commuters and literally for breathing.

The Actual Holiday

My aunt’s daughter and grandchildren were happy to see me. They brought temporary relief to the torment of the journey. After settling in for the day, I was expected to know the routine of the house. I became scared and walked on eggshells as my aunt picked on me for every little thing throughout my stay.

Few days after my arrival, I developed a fever with a blinding headache, but, I couldn’t tell anyone. One of my aunt granddaughters noticed and informed the adults around, but, my aunt quickly played it down, shutting her grandchild up.

My mum came as promised towards the end of the summer holiday, I couldn’t wait to leave the grip of terror. I shed bitter tears as I related my experience to my mum. To my mum, a family member was indeed family and there was no way she could raise the issue up.

My aunt lost her respect from me that year. I saw a monster, not a family member. In my mind, she was a pure devil. During family gatherings, I made sure she was not close by.

My aunt is very old and frail now. The torment was three and a half decades ago and I still remember every detail. My aunt wouldn’t be able to recall it as vividly as I do. I was a child when this happened and children don’t forget event that touch their souls.

Be the best you can be

The mind of children recollect and store information, both good and ugly. Experiences can traumatise or contribute to a child’s development positively. Loving relationships with responsive, dependable adults are essential to a child’s healthy development.

These relationships begin at home, with parents and family members at large, but also include child care providers, teachers and other members of the community. Negative attitude can impact a child’s early brain development, and subsequently, their long-term success in adulthood.

A child does not have to be yours to be treated with respect. Give the gift of a smile or stay away. My aunt taught me how not to be to a child. I only remember my aunt with this view in my mind. This is not where I want to be in a child’s view.

Every child deserves a bit of respect irrespective of what is going on in your personal life. Be the good a child remembers.