My childhood monster had a name. He was Olomo with a fierce look, thunderous voice and bloodshot eyes. He had a strong grip and a menacing laugh.
Olomo loved darkness and he was around most nights. This monster was behind every closed door and with lights off, he crept under the bed uninvited. Grabbing tiny feet were one of his favourites. He was present in most of my dreams, chasing or drowning me in my sleep.
Of course, Olomo wasn’t real. It was some conjoined theory and method Mother formed to make parenting a smooth ride. However, he was a great success in combating silliness, tantrums and little kickabouts. Routines became stress-free with Olomo and dinners all eaten without a fuss.
As I became aware of my environment, this monster lost his respect and fear he had on me. The magnitude of his solemn power declined. He was unreal anyway, he was what he truly was: a disjointed fragment of imagination.
..and the fear tag along
Sadly, some of the fears persisted. This fear never truly deserted me. Olomo was the brainchild of everything that bothered me. I am afraid of many things. There are tiny little fears springing from the long chain of thoughts in my mind.
I have allowed fear of what might be to envelope the little space I found in the bubble of life.
Consequently, I held the doors wide open for this imaginary monster to continue to lurk on at the corner of my soul. In retrospect, the fear of what might be is fully rooted in diverting my attention, putting a stumble in my progress.
With each challenge of life, I battle a type of fear. Saying “NO” had been the biggest fear I ever encountered. It was the most fierce of all. Many “YES” of my life had me flinching in pains and regrets. Self-doubt, pessimism, negativism are all members of my monster’s circle. They are derogatory to my growth.
Battling With My Fear
This monster has held me in captive for too long and now I am breaking loose. This is a march towards the battlefield with my fear.
As expected, I don’t know what fear is holding you back, but trust me when I say I have dozens of undignified fears savaging my growth and development. They had fed me forcefully and I have succumbed to their praises for too long.
These fears are figments of my active mind. Just like Olomo, they are imaginary monsters. They hold no importance in the real me. My overheated imaginations have lost the trust I once had in them. I am a grown woman, not an eight-year-old anymore.
Here is to the battle I am prepared to win. The battle with the imaginary fear of my life.
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Olomo,.....lurking in the dark corners of our souls, gnawing away at our confidence, sitting heavily on our flight wings and limiting our dreams.
Thanks Sister Sherryfah2. You ignited my childhood, you rekindled my fire to fly.