Empty Nest: A household consisting only of parents or parents whose children have grown up and left home.

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I watched as my son rushed out of the car barely waiting for me to park properly. Slamming the door as he rushed out to join tens of other students on the pavement leading to the school gate. To my son, this is another school, another field to explore. To me, a whole new era.

For many parents, starting secondary school isn’t a big deal. To be honest it shouldn’t be for me either; after all, this is my third child to walk the path. But there’s something different about this phase. Let me explain.

My son turned 11 in May, this made him ripe for the transition to secondary school in the United Kingdom. My oldest is 16 and just started her A levels. And the middle child is in Year 9, she has two years before GCSE (before leaving secondary school for good). What this meant is that I have no primary school kid at home.

These insignificant steps of life got me thinking. Though, insignificant, this single chapter of my life has opened a new headspace so much so that I can’t help but think of my impending empty nest.

Part of the questions that keep popping up in my mind is this: What does it feel like to have an empty nest?

I seem to have forgotten how it feels like. I grew up among friends and family and having people around is what I am used to. The wishes that my kids should all grow quickly are finally coming to pass after what seems like an eternity.

The Burden Of Mothering It All

You see, I lost a part of me when my kids arrived. I know many mothers would say the same, however, with me, I not only lost myself, my whole life centred around my children. I lost my voice within the community that reared me. My head was constantly in the sand rummaging for my children’s wellbeing and safety.

I surrendered to the institution of marriage: say no evil hear no evil. I put on my best shoes for the journey in the best way possible. Harmed with false narratives, I dived into the two dark seas of marriage and mothering. I ditched and ignored my once useful protective armour.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mother. And I think I have done a fantastic job raising and nurturing my children. Having said that, if the opportunity of being a mother or a new bride represents itself; I would definitely do it differently. My narrations would be slightly different.

The Path Ahead

As my children spread their wings, airing them up for the great flight of life, I cannot but dwell on what life would look like. I think it is safe to say I plan to stage my empty nest differently. Far different from the full nest I built.

My parents died before their nest became fully empty. I did not internalise the full meaning of an empty nest until now. But one thing is certain, given the opportunity, I intend to take full advantage of it, to enjoy the privilege.

I can imagine having more space than I do need and a bit of free time. The time that was once invested in school runs and food preparation would be freely available.

I plan to do me. Touching all nooks and crannies of my life I left rotten due to the pressure of marriage and mothering. The space would be filled with what is beneficial to me, to my wellness and spirituality. The world is a field that I am willing to explore.

Reminiscing over the many lives I have lived gives me the headspace of restructuring the future I want. And you know what, the future starts now.