My Preteen Standoffishness

Sherryfah

Writer/ Qualified health coach/ Fitness expert

My Preteen Standoffishness

June 9, 2019

anger, childhood, emotion, lifelesson, Parenting, preteen, temper

I had my little girl when I was in my early 30s. A year and a few days after my first wedding anniversary. For me, it was love before sight. I was ready to be a mum before she came along, I loved being around kids and she fitted in snugly for me.

It was easy when she arrived, though, we struggled financially, but, she was one of those kids who are satisfied with little. The difficulty we were in was not accentuated by her needs. She fed well and was full of life, all she ever wanted was being around her family.

My Girls

My second child tugged along 3 years after her sister. She was peaceful. Everything with this child was easy, she wouldn’t argue with anyone, she bore her pain in silence and smiled through everything. As she grew into a toddler, she won the hearts of many with her ‘please and thank yous’. All she wanted was a pencil and a piece of paper and my child would be the happiest.

These girls were (and still) very creative. They are not just creative, they are beautiful. They enjoy school even when they’re not happy with one thing or the other. We weather the storm together facing numerous health challenges and personal needs.

Of course, they argue over silly little things, get jealous and fight just like every sibling, but, this phase doesn’t last more than a few minutes and the norm of saying “sorry, I didn’t mean to” follows.

The Teen Symptoms.

With all the sweetness of little princesses came the temper and standoffish I never knew was present. The dreaded symptom of the teen year has started rearing its ugly head. In my case, I think it appeared too early.

My first child turns 13 this June, but, things have changed greatly since she was 11. Of all the changes she exhibits; physically and emotionally, dealing with her mood swing is exhausting. She prefers staying at home when everyone decides to go out, she now finds some family activities (which she used to enjoy) boring and would rather bury her head in books rather than tidying up her room. And have I mentioned temper tantrums?

How else would you express emotion so intense, yet lack all forms of coherent? The idea to be alone is what I cannot fathom. It is hard to understand the cheerfulness that submerges after a bolt of grumpiness, then, the craving for sugar which is against my parental doctrine.

I made many rules concerning my kids. I can accommodate many things, but, back-chatting is a capital NO. However, with the preteen comes the not-so-audible back-chatting syndrome that usually leaves me unsure of what was said or if anything was said at all. The “I don’t want to go” answer when it comes to a family outing and the snapping drives me nut.

A Working Progress.

We’ve had many ‘meetings’ and with talking, we have been able to achieve ‘expression of emotion’. My child can now walk up to me and tell me what she is feeling without screaming or throwing tantrums. It is still a working process, but, we have crossed many hurdles within a few months.

Just like all storm, I know this too shall pass. A preteen is in a state of confusion: a mixture of childhood /adulthood. I do the talk when the moods are lighter. We compare her happy score and take each day as it comes. With loads of cuddles and praises on how she’s been able to hold it together, my preteen is getting better at managing her emotions.

Some days, instead of having an argument with my girl, I just request for a cuddle and this always works for us all.

What I Have Learnt.

As my second sweet girl steps on preadolescence stage, I realized that my cute, cuddly little girl is no more a baby. Life is happening. She has changed physically, emotionally and socially. Both my girls are developing new independence and they might want to see how far they can push the buttons.

My girls still need me as much as ever. This is a stage where the bond needs to be stronger in order to have less turbulent adolescence. I know dealing with the updated version of these kids is challenging. I try to respect their needs for greater autonomy to continue to forge our successful relationships.

What I Do

Setting aside time for my kids has always been my secret parental weapon. We do little talks and my children referred to me as ‘a friend’. I talk to them on different topics, from my broken car to the flower I just found growing by the roadside.

Whenever the time permits, I watch what they watch. I do sometimes, overact (according to my kids), but, I am also working on this. My kids explain things to me, I don’t stay clueless, I ask questions and they answer.

This stage is crucial for us all and I am treading gently in other to get the best out of my lovely ladies.

What’s your experience like with a preteen?

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Sherryfah

Sherryfah