How do you raise your child without smacking? I know it is hard to disciple a child who does not listen or yield to anything you say, but, before I go into how to raise your child without smacking; I need to draw you back to your child as a baby. Your child kickstarts his development through your eyes, he learnt to identify your voice, your body language and your expressions.You, in turn, knew when he was happy, sad, hungry, silly or playful, but, as your baby grows, he started exploring and experimenting, he started learning from people around, he learns to relate, have friends and defend himself sometimes. Along the line, something changed through what he observes and learnt. This is where you as a parent step in, smacking might, however, make him stop what you disliked for a while, it is never the best way.
Here are a few things to do instead of smacking.

1. Make a list of house rules.
Children like rules and love to follow the regulations especially when you involve your child in drawing out the rules of your house. It is never late to have a meeting with your child and have a discussion on what is acceptable and what is not. The rules can be anything, (for instance no screaming, no shouting, no stamping of feet, tidy up etc) If your child can write, let him or her be the Note-Taker at the meeting. Set the rules and discuss consequences of not sticking to the rules. Make this fun and be firm at the same time. Let your child know that you meant business. Stick the rules up where your child can see and take it as it goes.

2. Consequences and Communication.
If your child goes against the house rules, let your child know that he has gone against the rules and he has to face the consequence. This is to show that there are consequences for every action. Put in place penalty for breaking the rules. This might be early bedtime, reduction in playtime, deprivation of possessions such as toys or anything your child loves. Communicate with your child, tell him how disappointed you are and let your child know why you are taking the action, be firm.However, do not forget to reward good behaviour, if your child sticks to the rules, praise him, encourage him and give tokens.

3. Give Options.
When dealing with children let them have options. This will help with compromise later in life. If you ask your child to do something and your child prefers to continue playing, give your child the option to either do what you asked and continue playing afterwards or stop playing altogether. Do not expect your child to listen and spring up straight away, wait for 7 seven seconds before repeating yourself. Research has shown that it takes a couple of seconds before a child’s brain translate what is being said. Repeat yourself 3 times, give 7 seconds between each request before giving them the options.

4. Stay Calm take a deep breath.

It is alright to get angry if your child refuses to listen, but, instead of lashing out, why not leave the scene? Try to calm down, reassure yourself that you are dealing with a child and get a “Me Time” if possible. It is quite easy to lose your temper, just imagine, this scenario: you returned from work and quickly put the shopping down in readiness for dinner. In the midst of the rush, you told your child to pick up his toy but he continued playing at the same time dinner starts boiling over.You tripped on a toy and lost your balance. In such situation, you were angry and felt a bit frustrated, this could lead to smacking.

Calming down takes practice and I am sure you can get hang of it. Remember, you are once a child and forgetfulness and silliness is part of the game. Walk away, take a very deep breath. You are more likely to spank if you have not got time to yourself, take the time to unwind and reflect.You feel tired and deflated without a “Me time” and energised after one.

5. Let your child have a say

It is a gift if you let your child have a say. There is nothing wrong if your child expresses how he feels. Parents who shout at their children lose control of their children. Children love to be listened to. Create a special time for this to happen. Have it in your busy schedule to talk about just anything. This might be just before bedtime. Let your child talk about his day, what happened at school, at the lay ground, what they are happy with and what they are not. Share the highlight of your day with them and enjoy their company. Remember, they grow quick and it is important to let them have a loving childhood memory.

A child who is free to talk to his parent without fear of being smack is a happy child. Nothing will be too big to share and this is more important in this world of ours.

6. Let your child complete his task.

Completing a task for your child is not helping. If you told your child to tidy up for instance, always make sure your child complete the task even if he forgets or ignores. This is why it’s necessary to remind children of the task ahead before, during and after the task has been carried out. Reward good listening skills with praises, kisses and hugs.

8. Reassurance.

Nothing will work if you do not remind your child how much you love your him or her.Do not be tempted to stop as your child get into the teenage years.  Cuddles, kisses and kind words help children manage stress and emotions as they grow, it tells your child he or she can rely on you. Telling your child you love him also makes parenting a bit easier. Remember, charity begins at home. A child is fulfilled with the love you fed him at home not the unhealthy love on the street.

9. Try to think like your child maybe it would all make sense

Maybe if you take a moment and think of yourself as a child, maybe you would be able to see this innocent child, trying to grow, learn and digest all that is happening in the world all at the same time. It can be a lonely world if all you get to hear “do this or do that” every time of the day.

Remember, your child is not rebelling against you, your child is just showing individuality. Many things are happening in that little child of yours. Communication and understanding with be the help needed.

Do you want to know why your child lies and what you can do about it? Watch this space and please sign up for notification.