The night before I lost my mother

Sherryfah

Writer/ Qualified health coach/ Fitness expert

The night before I lost my mother

May 1, 2017

care, death, love., mother

The night before my mother died was nothing out of the ordinary. She chose to cook that night, we were all asleep before the food was ready, but, she woke us all up. I remember the last meal she made for us, it was seasoned rice locally called “concoction”. As we ate, she started a conversation with me about my cousin whom she felt was pregnant. I listened half-asleep. It was a very dark night and the breeze seized, it was hot and humid.

My mother was extremely quiet the following morning. She had a distant look I couldn’t explain. I had an appointment to see a friend that morning. My friend was still in university and she had sent me an errand to her sister. I sneaked out of the house, not because I didn’t want my mother to know where I was going. No. I sneaked out because I wore her favourite shoes and I knew she was going to wear those shoes to work. I told her out of sight that I was going to my friend’s and she said “Okay bye ” so weakly. That was the last time I saw my mother alive.

By the time I returned home, my mother had left for work. I remember visiting another friend of mine who promised job opportunity. I was fresh out of university and I was ready to start a new life. As I sat at the reception, waiting for my friend to come out, I remember thinking of home. The visit to my friend’s office was fruitless because he didn’t have the time to see me throughout my stay. He had workloads as high as a mountain.

I got back home around 2 pm and I heard my neighbour talking about my mother. She was hit by a motorcyclist who rode his motorcycle facing the on-coming vehicle. My mother was hit and she had been taken to the hospital.

I didn’t see any of my siblings and I was very scared. I was accompanied to the hospital by my lovely friend who stood by me throughout the ordeal.

At the hospital, we were directed to the A&E and from there to the main reception and from the reception to a little room. I asked a nurse where my mum was and she said: “Haven’t you seen your siblings?”. Then I asked her “Is she dead?” And she replied “Yes” and walked away.

I didn’t know what happened next. I remember crying. I wept bitterly. I didn’t know what the next episode would be. I sat down at the corner of the hospital lounge and cried. I kept talking about the pain she must have gone through. I kept thinking of the moment she died.I kept imagining the possible things that might have happened when she was hit and broke her skull.

You see, there is a huge difference from having a parent to having none at all. I lost my father 4 years before my mum died and that night I felt lonesome. I suddenly realised that none of my parents were alive. I felt vulnerable. I asked myself many questions. How would I survive? Who would look after us?

The pain I felt couldn’t be explained, but, there were preparations on the ground: the police investigation, the funeral and the family. I had the job of breaking the news to my younger siblings and that was not pretty.

Overnight, I became a parent. I was shocked.I was lost. I was depressed. I was sad. I felt robbed. I tried to step into the emptiness my mother left, but, I couldn’t. I felt guilty and I kept reviewing our lives together. My mother left and everything changed forever!

My mother was the greatest influence I had. She sacrificed everything. Everything that a mother could give up for her children. She taught me resilience. She taught me endurance. She taught me selflessness. She taught me everything I am and much more. And I asked myself, was I good enough? Was I a good daughter? Did I make her happy?

I don’t know if you have both parents or none. I am not sure if your parents nag or knack. I really don’t care if your parents drive you mad. I really don’t want to know if she is to you what you want a mother or father to be. I am not here to tell you how to treat your parents, but, what I can tell you is that you can’t buy your parents and your parents can never be replaced.

This is the time to care for them. This is the time to forgive. This is the time to overlook little mistakes. This is the time to love your parents. You have a duty of care towards her.

It is normal for your parents to react badly to some of your decisions. It is okay for them to want you all to themselves. It is okay to argue, but, don’t ever turn your back on your parents.

Love them even if you feel your mother or father does not deserve to be loved. Appreciate the good old days even if things are rough now. Enjoy now with them before it is too late.

Death is inevitable and no one knows what tomorrow holds

I miss my mother and I wish she is here right now, but, the question is “Was I good enough when she was here?

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Sherryfah

Sherryfah