My cousin came to live with us when he was just 5. I  do not remember the circumstances that surrounded this transition to our house. However, I remember he got enrolled in a school nearby. He was a likeable fellow and was never tired of running errands. He was good at chores and would outsmart everyone at tidying up the house or doing the dishes. He loved dancing and could tell tales everyone enjoyed listening to.  He was creative and entertaining. He was very good at negotiation. He was popular among his peers. He was playful, lively and jolly.

At around the age of 8, my cousin’s bed-wetting habit began. He would  wet the bed 5 times within an 8-hour sleep. With him, nothing worked. From bed-wetting, my cousin started stealing. He would steal from his friends, school, neighbours and people he did not know. He began stealing just for the fun of it. My cousin w stole things he needed and things he didn’t need. He stole a box filled with keys one day and he did not know what to do with keys of different sizes! 

No one saw his acts as A CRY FOR HELP. He was nicked-named and scolded many times. The school knew about his stealings, but, nothing was done. There was a stigma attached to stealing.

There was zero tolerance to theft. There was never a good reason to steal in the community I grew. No one bothered to look beyond my cousin’s act of stealing. Everyone only saw the ugliness of his behaviour. He was broken inside, but, he could not stop.

I am not sure if the name-callings and smacking helped either . My cousin continued stealing anyway. Sometimes, the number of times  he stole would drop drastically and other times it would increase. My cousin managed to complete his primary school education with struggles and went back to live with his mother. He became a different person afterwards. He stopped stealing and lying. He learnt a trade and became a successful automotive engineer. He lives with his wife and children today.

As it turned out, he missed his mum and seeing his mother once a year did not stop the emotional blankness he felt inside. He could not express  his needs and he found solace in stealing. He found pleasure and satisfactions in what our community frowned at .

Why Children Steal.

Young children sometimes steal because they don’t know the value of things. To them, money has no value. It is just what people use in exchange for comfort and leniency. They sometimes don’t see why you have to pay before taking a product from the shop.

School-age children know it is wrong to take people’s things without permission but, they might lack self-control.

Preteen or teenagers might be pushed to steal due to peer pressure, stress or just to see if they could get away at ‘being bad’. Stealing within this age group might show a rebellion. They might steal to nurse their addictions for instance drugs.

Children, in general, might steal out of emotional problems, anger, attention, stress at home or school.  Some steal for material things they cannot afford. Stealing might be a cry for help due to emotional or physical abuse.

Stealing might also be associated with a disorder called kleptomania. It is a rare compulsive disorder. People with KLEPTOMANIA often feel a sense of tension or restlessness before a theft and a sense of gratification afterwards. They might feel guilty after stealing. People with this disorder might have other disorder or compulsive behaviours such (OCD) obsessive compulsive disorder.

What to do.

The first thing every parent need to know is that punishment is not the best solution to the problem of stealing.

1. Observe the pattern of the steaIing.
2. If you caught your child stealing from the shop, it is advisable to make your child take the stolen items back to teach him or her that it is wrong to steal.It is important for such child to apologise.
3. Make young children understand that stealing is wrong and not an acceptable way of behaviour.
4. For preteen and teen, it is important to apply stricter rules. The consequence of stealing within this age group should be stricter than younger children. Making such child apologise is important and teaches such child a big lesson.
5. Children of all age need to know that stealing is a crime and can lead to juvenile detention and prison.
6. If your child is stealing from you, you need to make the child pay back by doing extra chores. Try not to tempt your child by leave out money to test your child. This might destroy the trust between families.
7. If your child has taken stealing has a habit, you might need to seek professional help. Talking to a family therapist, counsellor, an Imam, a priest, rabbi, a minister, school counsellor, a medical doctor, a police officer might be helpful.
8. Talking to your child might also be of help. Look within and ask yourself if there is more to this act.
9. Above all the braveness, is there any  need screaming  to escape?