When my little girl turned 7 it was clear she was on the flight to adolescence. By 8, she had a growth spurt. It was apparent that the young adult in her was bellowing. This child’s biological clock ticked faster than the rest of the children in her class.

Worried about what to expect, I sought help. With tests, MRI scans and bone density scans came the results of her internal organ health. Each result revealed the dreaded fact of her body’s readiness to take up the challenge. At 7, my girl’s bone aged 10.

I became a bit over-protective of this little madam. I came down to her level explaining the possibilities of her menstruation and all that to expect. We discussed the biological makeup of her body and why it was perfectly normal for her. I had to confess, at first, it was a bit difficult, but my intelligent little madam had a way around words.

What I Didn’t Know About.

Growing up in the slum, there were many things we didn’t talk about. There were grey areas around the topic of sex, menstruation, the real act of childbirth and menopause. No one seemed to pick up the horn about what to expect, but everywhere you looked you see the shameful side of unwanted sex, teenage pregnancy, marital abuse and rape.

No one told me what to expect from my changing body: Not at home nor at school. At 15 when I finally got my period, I was secretive about it. The pain that came with it was mine to bear. I had no clue how sanitary towels should be used. The adhesive side of the sanitary towel stuck to me stubbornly. The pain of yanking it off paved the way to more discovery. I got it right next time.

My mother must have known though, but no formal meeting was held. I walked on eggshells for the first few months, but somehow I figured it all out. I waddled through life picking up experiences from books, friends and neighbourhood gossip.

If the menstrual circle wasn’t a topic, sex was a big NO-NO. But, every now and then I heard the news of one of my classmates falling pregnant and dropping off school. Every now and then, I heard the boys in my areas discussing their sexual fantasies, boys’ interests in girls and the beams of what came next.

My mother was an amazing mother, but things like sex, menstruation etc never crossed our discussion. Perhaps, she was left to figure it out as well. And talking about such topics didn’t come naturally to my siblings. We, somehow turned out well though, each one of us figuring it out in our individual little worlds.

The Threats Of Engagement.

Despite the adults around me not really talking the talk, instances were drawn from the shame of sex, the error committed by those whose engagement in it turned into horror. This was to warn me of the impending danger of sex. Adults around would often use a pregnant teenager next door as a warning call to keep our legs crossed till marriage.

As I grew into my twenties, I wondered why such topics were difficult to talk about, you only need to cast a look to see or hear about cases of rape and abandonment, the little whispers of secret paedophiles whom society refused to put to shame and the abuse.

With this in mind, I vowed to be different. I vowed to talk to my children about nature and everything it encompasses. Isn’t menstruation, sex, childbirth, menopause and individual biological clock part of nature, part of us all?

What I realised is that some topics are easier to discuss than others. A good relationship with your child doesn’t make it easier if such talk were never part of what you often talk about.

Mothering Girls

Being a mother, I have had to discuss some topics I wasn’t raised to discuss. My daughter knows more than I knew when I was her age.

Information is readily available these days. She has friends at school whose orientation is different. Sex is in the air. Contraception, masturbation and adult toys are optional for a teenager. The fresh beauty they possess an array and the hormones raising through their bodies sometimes leave them in a state of confusion.

I am not in denial of the kind of things that filter through the mind of my children despite having a religious system in place. My religion, however, makes it easier for me to talk about every aspect of my children’s changing bodies. Sometimes, this is totally contradictory to the “norm” of society.

I bet you will agree with me that there are many things we don’t just talk about

The Stage I Am In

I am premenopausal. Though I haven’t hit menopause yet, I know it’s only a matter of years before it caught up with me.

At 45, who am I kidding if I don’t start preparing my mind for it? This too is part of what we don’t talk about. An act of natural occurrence?

I bet you will agree with me that there are many things we don’t just talk about considering the advancement of technology. Again, just like I figured out menstruation and my sexuality, I will have to figure menopausal symptoms out.

Things are different though, pieces of information are available, my doctor can advise me on how to tackle this and I hold tightly onto healthy eating and exercise.

Insight of all these, I pray and I hope I am equipped to tackle my children’s inquisitiveness on what to expect or to help them choose wisely in a world filled with junk and colour-coded misconception.