I was with my friends one day when we started talking about another girl. To be honest, I was dragged into the conversation and I remembered mocking the girl’s hairstyle. We took nothing of the talk and went to bed after a big laugh about the person in question.

The following morning, we all prepared for class as usual and went our separate ways looking forward to the day’s business at our different departments.  As I walked briskly to the lecture hall,  I heard someone called my name and when I looked back, it was the same girl we spoke about the night before. I stopped while she walked up to me and before we could exchange pleasantries she said ” I heard everything you guys said about me yesterday. You said my hairstyle looked like a toddler’s who was having a birthday party”.

As she uttered those words, I felt the ground melted underneath my feet. With hot flushes spiraling around in my head, I stood fixed on the same spot. What I said wasn’t as bad as the others, I only said a few words which made my friends laugh, but, nothing out of the ordinary. I remember thinking and cracking my head of what was actually said.

As the girl stood in front of me and staring into my eyes, I could not look straight at her. I tried denying, but, the girl in question cut me short saying ” I was at the door while you and your friends made fun of me, no need to deny Sherryfah” and with that, she turned and walked away.

My tongue became dried and I had nothing to talk about. I felt the pain and I wish I could take back those words. I felt embarrassed and ashamed of my action, of my personality and of the night before.

The experience taught me a lot. The girl in question was bold enough to walk up to me. She didn’t just bear grudges. She said her bit and walked away. I learned a big lesson about talking ill of people that day. I also learned boldness. I learnt to ask questions about people’s perception. I learnt to evaluate my actions and how my actions affect people (especially my words). I learnt to think before talking.

I realised from that day that people’s businesses are not mine.Gossiping, backbiting or ill-talk are all destructive and unjust.They add no value to human life and cause more trouble than good. I built a habit of not bonding with people who only see the worse in others.

I see gossip as a waste of resourceful time. Time spent talking ill of people could be used up wisely. It could be used to solve problems and build lasting relationships.

The best way to change negativism of idle talk is to move towards positivity. Try to see good in people. Say something nice about somebody every day. Seek clarity and verify facts before murdering people with your tongue.

Seek friends that don’t just gossip, keep supportive friends who don’t engage in negative talks. Avoid people who have  ‘sharp tongues’, who see no good in people, who pull everyone down, friends who make vengeful comments and people who always think they are better than everyone.

I have learnt my lessons and I have felt the same pain the girl in question felt that fateful night. I have heard people talk about me, I have experienced the emotion, I have been bold enough to confront few and I am still learning.

What do you think of backbiting? How does it feel? What is the cause of it?

Please share your experience.

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